My ‘lonesome’ tolerance had reached its limit. I was missing my grandkids. In all the grappling with social distancing and concern for asymptomatic carriers, the full picture of how this would affect time with our grands had been slowest to come into focus. “This could go on forever!” My mind reeled at the self-oriented delusion! In haste, I texted Meg.
Me: “We HAVE to do something so we can see the kids! Getting so lonesome!”
Meg: “We can do some drive-bys. Or you could ZOOM with them. That allows more than one person on at a time. By-the-way, would it freak you out if I volunteered to help on COVID ICU floor?”
Huh, What? Volunteer in COVID ICU? My mind had not heard what I thought it heard…had it? Did you notice how she just slipped that little bomb of information into our delightfully innocent text chat?
My return text was delayed by at least ten minutes as I gathered my wits and floundered a bit for clarity. I never knew with Meg. Her dry sense of humor and delight in loving sarcasm could more often than not ‘throw me’– a fact that I think she delights in.
Me: “You ARE kidding, aren’t you?”
Meg: “They’re begging for any help from anyone with a license and a beating heart, pretty much. They are forming teams of healthcare staff—experienced and not—and trying to spread the workload. I’m investigating, and PRAYERFULLY considering…”
Me: “Well, truthfully, it would be right up there with my daughter announcing that she was foster-caring for a sick premie as a single woman or getting engaged a month after her first date, and many, many other challenges you have come up with in your young life of 42 years!”
Meg: (sent a text photo smart-alecky response)
Me: “You and Eric need to pray about it carefully and know that we will support you in any way we can. The tough piece is that it means that we need to stay so separate and cannot help with the kids!!”
Meg: “Need to do that regardless. There’s a ways to go in all this. We haven’t finalized the decision yet. I’ve been praying about it or a couple of days and have no decision yet, My manager said I could pop up to the unit after work today to ask some questions. They need help here at our hospital as well, which would likely be a more ‘sane’ option.”
Me: “Maybe I should sign up with you! How would you feel about THAT?”
Meg: “They would not take you, sorry!”
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I took a deep breath, looked at my husband and exclaimed, “YOU have got to be kidding!” I had been reading the texts to him one by one as the dialogue progressed. He returned a knowing look and a smirky smile — one I had seen many times over our years of parenting Meghan Elizabeth.
Growing up years with Meghan had been surprisingly uncomplicated and, for the most part, purely delightful. Meg simply learned from the mistakes of her older sister. By NOT doing the things that raised a response from Mom and Dad, she avoided most altercations with the parents. But when this chick’s wings dried and she took flight, it all changed! She flew far and long and loved every sense of her new freedom. Never considering herself limited by established norms or timelines, Meghan skipped over the mental processing of “What if??” and with little hesitation lunged directly into “Why not?? Don’t get me wrong. Meg wanted NOTHING to do with a risky lifestyle or unwise personal choices. Her passion was to lunge headlong into ANY choice that God might be leading her toward — with absolute abandon…no matter how far, how risky, how out of the norm, it might be.
Following graduation from a small, Hoosier Christian college with a degree in nursing, she embraced her first hospital employment in Reno, Nevada, directly across the street from Circus, Circus. Home base at that time was the Chicago suburbs.
Working in Neo-natal ICU in that hospital, she proceeded to fall in love with one of her patients, a very sick newborn who had succumbed to the ravages of methamphetamine use during his intrauterine life. Born totally unable to pass food through his intestines, he experienced 13 surgeries in the first year of his life and needed a home for foster care− one that could provide extensive medical care. Meg’s challenge to her parents on that occasion: “Mom, what would you think if I became a foster mom and brought little Ricky home?”
Thankfully, we bit our tongues, offered support and got down on our knees! Our family’s adventure with little Ricky was truly a rich blessing to each one of our lives!
At the age of 28, Meg found her ‘Mr. Wonderful’ and promptly announced that they were engaged two weeks after the first date. It was all we could do to encourage a delay for the wedding until August− 7 months after the first date!
“Would it freak me out?” she texts. I would like to think that I am too old for ‘freaking out’. And at this point in time, I have learned that while I may be breathless embracing the ongoing chapters of Meghan’s life, that if I simply pray her through it, God has an inevitable blessing for us all.
As John and I processed in earnest Meg’s new calling to help on a COVID ICU floor, we selfishly had to admit that we simply did not want something else to worry about. We were very concerned about Lyse. Now, our youngest daughter also would be dancing with the COVID 19 virus. A mother never stops wanting her children to be safe even when their ages are 42 and 48! It took about three hours for me to get my bearings and respond a bit further by text.
Me: “So, Dad and I have been talking. We don’t want to influence your decision in any way… but if you are really feeling this is something you are being called to do…we would be willing to take the kids. That could be OUR part of the endeavor. No point in having them unnecessarily exposed…or draining you etc.”
Meg: “I won’t respond yay or nay to that quite yet, but my initial thoughts are that it would not be a safe idea, since they could easily have already been exposed unknowingly. Also, part of my thought is that I should not do this if it means total isolation from my kids for what could be awhile. That would be far too hard on them, and completely unfair. There are many precautions I can take to leave as much of the germs outside of the house, and I wouldn’t plan on doing more than 1-2 shifts/week. I may even move to the basement bedroom. Being in the COVID unit is safer than the ER at least because I’m allowed all PPE. My manager just took me upstairs to chat with staff. Things sound manageable right now. I would function more like a Nurses Aide… help with bathing, fetch meds, take vitals.”
Me: “Just keep in mind it’s going to be totally different in another couple of weeks with the surge.”
Meg: “Yep, I know. That’s why I think it might be best to start now while things are manageable. Gives me a chance to get my bearings. Gonna give it another day or two to think and pray about it.”
Me: “Truly a big decision. Praying with you!”
Pray we did. Urgently. My emotions sought some point of stability on which to focus. The emotional tsunami of it all challenged my ability to reign in the emotions, gain perspective and just ‘listen’ to my Creator, God— tools that most often help me think clearly. Where is God taking us through this experience?
The new chapter of life I was contemplating pictured both of our adult children at risk with this vicious virus. It was one thing for Lyse to come into contact with it accidentally. That I could accept as God’s sovereign will. It was a total other thing for Meg to CHOOSE to be in harm’s way when she did not have to be. I had some mental and spiritual work to do. I knew that it would require time and that my 5:20 am appointments were going to be critical in providing time to listen and process with my God.
I also knew that processing with John, while helpful would be limited in assisting me in balancing my inner peace. It had always been so much easier for him to trust God, trust the kids and let life play out as it may. He loved his daughters more than life itself, yet, He always saw them as strong young capable women able to accomplish almost anything they would set their minds to. I was the Mama bird, wanting to protect them from the onslaughts of life, wanting to ‘be there’ for them in any way I could. My daughters would be the first to tell you that I wanted that…to a fault!
In earnest and in total honesty, I pled my case before my God in prayer. Knowing specifically what I hoped would happen and would NOT happen, I prayed accordingly, ending with a hesitant, ‘but not my will, but YOURS, Lord.’
Just hearing the frantic words of my prayer, I realized I had some major spiritual stretching to do.