I awoke with no difficulty for my 5:20 am appointment, though I had only 6 hours of sleep. Somehow, time alone with the Lord was just what I longed for to start this day of fasting and prayer. No, John and I would not be on our knees for 12 hours, but we would go about our day as usual, with a more focused mind on prayer. In those times when we experienced hunger or thoughts of food, we would respond with a more intense prayer for Meg, Lyse, for all healthcare workers, for all patients struggling with the COVID virus and our world in general with all of the devastation this virus is waging worldwide.
I will admit that early thoughts of fasting and prayer caused me to self examine my motives. Was I bargaining with God that if I pray and fast faithfully, He would divinely ordain that Meg would not succumb to the virus … that Lyse would be healed? I feel convicted by even the thought. The earnest truth is and was− I want in these days to do MY part in covering the COVID 19 endeavor and for all victims of this war! And I pray that in the process of it all, I see my inner motives as they truly are… for He knows them fully!
My early morning appointment was as special as ever, first reading through the Daily Light Devotional for April 5. During the first reading I struggled with distraction, my mind frequently snatched away to envision Meg preparing for her first shift on the COVID floor. I wondered if she was anxious, uncertain. Drawing my mind back to my reading, now a second time, I was determined that the Lord had something specifically to say to me that I needed for this day. Sure enough, the last morning verses of the day drew my focus. “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
And in the evening reading, “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. ❦ It is God who works in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”
My second chosen read for the morning was The Seeking Heart by Fenelon.
“How you spend your time changes with the different seasons of your life, but one principle applies to every moment of time: Don’t waste it. Every season has various tasks that God has appointed for you to do and you will give an account to Him of how you have spent your time.”
“You are truly blessed if you leave yourself in your Savior’s hands, willing to do whatever He wants, Never tire of asking God what He wants from you.”
“At the sight of God’s majesty, calmness and well-being should fill your spirit. A word from the Lord stilled the raging sea and a glance from Him to you, and from you to Him, will do the same for you.”
“But God, working within your spirit, produces a calm and faithful heart that the world cannot touch. I really want you to take an adequate amount of time to spend with God so that you might refresh your spirit.”
“All you need to do is prepare your heart by giving it completely over to God, without reservation. he will do with you what he pleases. Close your eyes and follow Him. Walk, as Abraham did, not knowing where you are going. God, Himself will be your guide. He will lead you through the desert to the Promised Land. You will be so happy if you let God take full control of your life!”
I reclined my Lazyboy, pulled the covers up over my shoulders and nestled into a time of prayer. Glancing at the clock, I was just a bit alarmed to note that the time was 7:10 am. Meg had been at work for 10 minutes already. Urgently I prayed, “Lord, before she enters that unit may every aspect of her PPE be in place, allowing no possible contamination with the virus. Give her the wisdom to know how to protect herself, may she do all the right things that will make sure she is safe… and Lord, what if she did not take those vitamins I gave her to take?! “